It is almost time for 2025, so many of us are starting to decide who we want to be in the new year. But, within this tradition of making resolutions to become the best version of ourselves is often a toxic mentality. So, instead of thinking about how we want to go to the gym every day or how we want to eat less sweets, or whatever other things we connect to becoming the best version of ourselves, let's try to focus on the things we did in 2024 and the lessons we have learned along the way.
So, let me start. I have had a lot of growth in 2024, and I still need to work on some things. One of the things I am proudest of in my journey is my relationship with exercise. I can happily say that this has been the most consistent year of me working out Monday through Friday for at least 30 minutes a day. Some of you may say, but Emily, you said in the first paragraph that it shouldn’t be about the gym and losing weight. And, for me, it hasn’t been. I have been strength training at least 3 times a week, and I am so happy with the results. I actually feel strong in my body, and as I keep telling my husband, I feel like I could potentially kick someone's ass, and that feels empowering. I have always been someone with a small, petite body but never felt very strong until now. I worked up to 10 pounds in my weight training, and my goal this year is to reach 15 pounds. It isn’t about losing weight; I am the heaviest I have ever been; it’s about getting strong and giving my body the things it needs as I age.
Now, let's talk about something I want to continue working on. My father and mother both have short fuses; luckily, I seem to share that gene (I hope you catch the sarcasm). Not one of my favorite qualities about myself. So, through therapy, I have been working on controlling my temper. My trigger is often when someone doesn’t respect my time, the things I am trying to do, or the things I love, like theater and podcasting. So, unfortunately, that means that I often lose my shit in the classroom because my students constantly disrespect me. I often tell my students that no one is perfect and that I, like them, am a human. I am not trying to let myself off the hook; I’m just trying to make y’all understand that people make mistakes, even teachers. So, as 2024 comes to a close and as we bring in 2025, I want to work my temper by finding tools, I can do for myself in the classroom so that I don’t lose my head.
I also have another big goal for myself in the new year: to find a job where I am valued and that pays me what I deserve. I have been an adjunct professor at the same college for 5 years. I have asked for a raise once and got a rapid response of “No.” The truth is that I will never get a raise. We no longer value education, the ten-year system is screwed up, and so new teachers are forced to work 2-3 jobs to make a living. I don’t have the availability because all my free time goes to editing the podcast, so I may seem angry now and again when we talk about money because I am giving so much of my time away for free. But anyway, since there is no room for growth, and I feel like the theater department doesn’t even care that I am there, I want to find a new job. I applied for a teaching certificate through the state of Florida, and I am really hoping to get my temporary teaching license, which would allow me to teach in public schools. I have been putting this on the back burner for years because it means I have to take standardized tests, and I am a terrible test taker. But I want a better future for myself, my husband, and whatever family we decide to have or not have, so I decided to challenge myself and face my fears.
So, I want to start closing up by saying, try not to give yourself these resolutions that are not achievable. Give yourself respectable goals that you can achieve. I promise you, your mental health, and everyone around you will be better for it.
Cheers to the New Year!
Your Cycle Breaker,
Emily
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